Heavy Drinker

“Surely a woman never looks prettier than when making tea.” ~Mary Elizabeth Braddon, Lady Audley’s Secret

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photo credit: commons.wikimedia.org

 

PIN IT, Y’all!

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Given what you know about my background as a strict, teetotalling, Southern Baptist (now a Recovering Baptist), it might surprise you to know that I am, in fact, a heavy drinker. My drinking “vice” is actually virtuous, though, as I drink over a gallon of water per day, and I have definite opinions about how it should be served. Shocking that I have opinions, I know.

photo credit: cleanwateraction.org

Since beginning The 30-Day Exercise Challenge (Hey, Challenge peeps! Mama Heather loves y’all!), my water intake has increased dramatically. Add in the over-100-degree temps here in North Texas, and you’ve got yourself a two-gallon-a-day blogger here. Easy.

In the more recent past, I’ve added tea to my daily, heavy-drinking regimen.

photo credit: commons.wikimedia.org

Since I’m a Southerner, you might assume that I drink sweet, iced tea, but that is simply not the case. In fact, I can’t remember ever having picked Sweet Tea when given a choice. I know that probably shocks those of y’all that live somewhere that has snow or other inappropriate weather, but it’s true! Call me Uncle Si (he drinks unsweet tea, too!).

I do, however, want my tea, like my water, to be ice cold. That is,  unless I’m having hot peppermint tea. Or hot pumpkin spice tea. Or hot vanilla tea. Or…oh, nevermind.

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Almost daily, I field a question or two about what kind of tea I drink, how I prepare it, where to buy it, etc. Currently, I drink the equivalent of four cups of tea per day (not including the ones I drink for ‘fun’), some of which is for weight loss, others for other health reasons.

Let me break it down for you:

1 cup equivalent of Roasted Dandelion Root Tea per day

1 cup equivalent of Decaf Green Tea per day

2 cups equivalent of Red Raspberry Leaf Tea per day

Before I go to bed, I use my favorite (hands-down), if-you-don’t-have-one-of-these-you’re-missing-out-on-life kitchen appliance, my electric tea kettle {affiliate link} to heat up a kettle-full of water to boiling. I lay out three coffee mugs. I put each type of tea into each mug ( 1 bag of Dandelion in one, 1 bag of Green Tea in one, and 2 bags of Raspberry Leaf in one), then I fill each with boiling water. I let them sit on the counter and steep overnight.

In the morning, I prepare them this way:

The Dandelion tea gets poured into two quart-sized Mason jars (half in each). Then, I begin to build my detox tea {recipe here} by adding cranberry juice and lemon juice to each jar. I add ice and fill the rest with water. I drink these two quarts over the course of the day. This particular version of tea is designed to pull excess water off of your body and, boy, does it work! Stay close to the bathroom, man. “They” claim you can use it to lose 5 pounds in 7 days. “I” say I’m just happy to have my eyes and hands not be so swollen and my headache go away. If bitter is not your thing (and I get that), you could add a little stevia, Truvia, or other natural sweetener of choice. This tea is naturally decaffeinated.

The Green Tea I drink straight. I’m hard-core that way. It’s supposed to aid in weight loss. I’ve used it in the past and had good results, and I need all the help I can get. This tea is very caffeinated but, since caffeine and my body are sworn enemies, I buy a decaf version. If you play well with caffeine, go for it. The caffeine should actually help your body burn more calories.

The Red Raspberry Tea is my favorite. I do drink it Sweet-Tea style. I pour the entire cup of two-bag concentrate into a third Mason jar, add stevia to sweeten, and fill the rest of the jar with ice and water. I usually drink it with my breakfast. What is the purpose of Raspberry Tea, you ask? It helps, um, female issues. The older I get, and all. The first month I started drinking this wonder tea, “that time” was like a night-and-day difference from the month before. No pain. No bloating. No moodiness. Other than the usual, of course. My family members call it my Uterus Tea. They want me to drink it and eagerly serve it to me in my Wonder Woman mug. For reals. This tea, too, is naturally decaffeinated.

These mixes could easily be doubled, tripled, or more to make a bigger batch for the week.

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Here are Amazon {affiliate} links to the different tea varieties I use, in case you have trouble finding these specialty teas in your neck-of-the-woods. They are available at Target and Whole Foods for immediate-gratification people, but Amazon’s prices are actually better. And also this: free two-day shipping, people! Waaaay cheaper than a trip to the doctor and meds, in the case of the Raspberry Tea.

Amazon: Shopping for Introverts.

Buy: Electric Tea Kettle

Buy: Roasted Dandelion Root Tea

Buy: Green Tea (caffeinated)

Buy: Green Tea (decaffeinated)

Buy: Red Raspberry Leaf Tea

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COMING SOON

Don’t miss the mid-point update on The 30-Day Exercise Challenge! Friday is Day 15 (that’s halfway, for the non-mathematicians in the house), and I’m excited to tell y’all what’s going on here and hear from you about what’s going on at your house with Jillian. Y’all didn’t kill her, did y’all?

Aaaaand, in plenty of time for y’all to prepare and recruit your friends and family, I’m announcing the NEXT 30-Day Exercise Challenge! One that will take us all the way to the end of October! And you know I’ve got plans for after that….mwahahaha!

Also, a SURPRISE GIVEAWAY for Challengers! Y’all do NOT want to miss this one! Or maybe two!

Subscribe to receive the emails every time a new post is published so you’re not left out. Also, join The 30-Day Exercise Challenge group on Facebook (women only!) to read the daily battlefield reports from over 800 Challengers! The encouragement and support is unbeatable and free! Free is in my budget.

See y’all there!

Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuit Redux

So, um, yesterday I posted a little ditty about these. Apparently the good people who run my server thought that it would be a good idea to do maintenance at the same time I was publishing this life-changing recipe. And also that not alerting me to this maintenance was a good idea. Therefore, many of my gracious and faithful readers were unable to gain access to the post.

That, my friends, is what we in the blogging biz call a travesty.

I am writing this post to let you know that (a) you need this food in your life and (b) all server maintenance people are on punishment.

Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuits (Low-Carb/THM-S)

TCB,
Heather

Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuits (Low-Carb/THM-S)

“The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken.” ~Maya Angelou

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Awhile back, my mother sent me this photo via Spacebook:

photo credit: buzzfeed.com

Thaaaat’s right. Somebody took a Chick-fil-A chicken patty and put it on a Red Lobster Garlic-Cheese Biscuit. Mama knows I’m trying to eat right, and there ain’t nothin’ about this that’s right.  For a good 23.498 seconds, I hated her stinkin’ guts. Then, I remembered what she had taught me, “Honor your mother and your father that your days may be long upon the earth.” Not wanting to get struck down my lightning, I repented of my attitude and set out on a course to recreate this little beauty in a way that was more figure-friendly.

Here she is:

To recap:

photo credit: buzzfeed.com

Good but bad for you (above). Good AND good for you (below).

Here’s how it all went down.

 I love, love, love these Cheesy-Cheese Garlic Biscuits from Satisfying Eats. If these don’t taste just like Red Lobster’s Garlic-Cheese Biscuits, I don’t know what does. They are the best biscuit I’ve had while on THM. On the side of a satisfying “S” meal, they are spectacular. In terms of this recipe, though, they fell a little flat…literally. When they bake, they spread and become like little disks: good for sopping up Cheeseburger Pie juice, bad for holding a friend chicken patty.

Enter the muffin tin. I tweaked the recipe by baking the individual portions in muffin tins rather than on a baking sheet, producing a taller biscuit. One that was more easily split horizontally for chicken patty insertion.

And now for the chicken: did you know they sell thin-cut boneless, skinless chicken breasts at the store now? I didn’t use them because I have an angst-filled teenager and an iron skillet, but they do…sell them, I mean. I just lined up some regular chicken breasts on the counter between two pieces of waxed paper, gave the teenager the iron skillet, and let her whack them until they were flat.

Never underestimate the harnessed power of teen angst in the kitchen, people.

If you’re lacking said angsty teen, the thin-cut ones will work just fine. Once they were pounded, I took a biscuit cutter that was similar in size to the biscuit-muffins and traced around it with a sharp knife. I got two chicken circles per breast. Dip the chicken circles in egg wash, a trip through the breading, fry, insert into split, buttered biscuit, and you’re ready to eat!

Beyond unbelievable. Printable below. Y’all eat!

Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuits

• Servings: 10-12
• Time: 45 mins
• Difficulty: moderate
• Print

recipe compiled by http://www.adventuresinwomanland.com

Biscuits (modified from Cheesy-Cheese Garlic Biscuits from www.satisfyingeats.com)
Modification
Instead of baking on a baking sheet, drop into greased muffin tins. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until golden.

Chicken
Ingredients
3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, pounded flat OR 6 thin-cut boneless, skinless breasts
2 egg whites
2 whole eggs
1/3 cup EITHER coconut flour, almond flour, or crushed pork rinds (taster’s choice)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
coconut oil (for frying)

Instructions

1. In a large skillet, melt coconut oil over medium heat.
2. In one flat dish, break two whole eggs and beat slightly.
3. In another flat dish, mix flour/rinds, two egg whites, and Parmesan. This should be a little clumpy. Embrace the clump.
4. Flatten breasts (or use thin-cut) then, using a biscuit cutter or glass as a pattern, cut two circles out of each breast.
5. Dip chicken circles in egg wash, then press into flour/rind mixture to coat well.
6. Fry in batches in hot coconut oil, just until golden. DO NOT overfry. You can finish these in the (already hot because you just baked biscuits) oven until done in the middle.
7. Split biscuits down the middle horizontally. Insert one chicken patty into each biscuit. Enjoy!

Creamy-Dreamy Crab Dip

“Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.” ~Charles M. Schultz

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PIN IT, y’all!

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Big Daddy loves crab cakes. Everywhere we eat, no matter what part of the country or what type of restaurant, if they have ’em, he orders ’em.  He spots them in his first, cursory menu glance. Sometimes he gets them for an appetizer (before his steak…semper carnivore); other times, he eats them alone. Then he goes to get ice cream. He’s pretty predictable that way.

The problem with crab cakes when you’re on a carb-aware type eating plan is that they are chock-full of breadcrumbs. While I could make a breadcrumb-free version of crab cakes (I know. I know.), I thought I’d let him try this dip out instead and see if he liked it.

Big Daddy gives this dip a hearty two thumbs up. And Big Daddy didn’t get to be Big Daddy by not knowing about good food.

It’s easy. It’s quick. It’s Big-Daddy-approved. What more could a recipe achieve? Served with veggie dippers or flourless crackers for crunch, it’s a creamy and flavorful take on seafood. Big Daddy likes those mini sweet peppers. I’m thinking this dip would be good on them. He’s thinking what I’m thinking.

• Servings: 6-8
• Time: 30mins
• Difficulty: easy
• Print

courtesy of http://www.adventuresinwomanland.com

Ingredients
5 oz. 1/3 less fat cream cheese, room temperature
2 TBS reduced-fat mayonnaise
3 tsp prepared horseradish
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/2 TBS white cooking wine (omit if desired)
1/2 TBS almond milk (or other liquid)
4.25 oz can white crab meat, drained and flaked
Paprika

Instructions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Mix cream cheese, mayo, horseradish, lemon juice, wine, and milk together until fluffy.
3. Fold in crab meat.
4. Pour into greased baking dish.
5. Sprinkle lightly with paprika.
6. Bake for 20 minutes or until hot and bubbly.

Serve on crackers or veggie dippers.

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Don’t forget about the GIVEAWAY going on this week! One lucky subscriber wins his/her choice of a Trim Healthy Mama book, three bags of THM Sweet Blend, a hand weight set, or a Camelbak water bottle. Click here for details.

Also, my best-good friend, Sarah, over at Mrs. Criddle’s Kitchen has a GIVEAWAY going on this week, too! Y’all head over there, check out some of her delicious recipes and enter to win!

Both end Sunday, August 3, so y’all hurry up!

Summer-Fresh Broccoli Salad

“I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”

~Former President George H.W. Bush

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PIN IT!

I have never, not for one day, liked broccoli. Every member of my household loves broccoli and would eat it every night if I were willing to stink up my kitchen cook it regularly. It smells like feet. And it smells even worse warmed up in the microwave the next day. Plus, it’s got a creepy texture.

If the Lord wanted me to eat broccoli, He’d have made it to taste like a doughnut.

When I was a teenager, my mom (a weirdo broccoli-lover) found a recipe for a broccoli salad, probably in a church cookbook somewhere. Apparently she thought it would go over big-time, because she made it and put it on the table…at Thanksgiving! Thaaaaat’s right. Right there, beside the turkey and dressing, the sweet potatoes, the green beans, the corn, the mashed potatoes, the macaroni-and-cheese, and the pumpkin and pecan pies, was a big, ole bowl of broccoli salad. She’s got a lot of nerve, my mama! While I’m not at liberty to repeat what was said once I realized there was flippin’ broccoli on the Thanksgiving table (I’m trying to get more sanctified about these things), I can tell you this: there was an eyeroll involved. Let’s just say I was less than thankful.

She challenged me to try the parts that were not broccoli-related, which I did begrudgingly. To my utter shock and amazement though, after one bite, I was hooked. Another eyeroll, this time from my mama (Can YOU imagine having me for a child? God bless her.). The dressing is addictive. It’s sweet and tangy and creamy-dreamy goodness. Right then I decided that, even if it meant eating broccoli, I was eating as much of that dressing as I could. Shoot, man. You could whip up a batch of this dressing and pour it over an old shoe, and…nevermind.

While the original recipe calls for white sugar and raisins (both ingredients that add to the sweetness factor but are off-plan on a low-carb/THM-style diet), I have modified it to be more low-carb, perfect for an S-style side dish! However, if you are not sugar-free or low-carb, I’ll include the sugar conversion, too. Because I love you, you sugar fiend.

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A Word About Mayonnaise:

The dressing for this salad is mayo-based; thus, the need for a little behind-the-scenes information. In our house, mayonnaise is not just something we put on a sandwich or mix into our deviled eggs. Mayonnaise is something to savor, a condiment that brings new life to dishes, even when used sparingly. As such, I’m pretty picky about what kind of mayo we use; I’m a mayonnaise snob, if you will. And even if you won’t. We only use Duke’s mayo. A serving size contains 100 calories and NO sugars and NO carbs. Plus, it’s the best-tasting mayo on the market (educated opinion  backed by anecdotal evidence), hands-down. I can find it at Kroger here in Texas; however, if you live in a market where it’s not carried, you can buy it here. It’s a bit pricey, but worth every penny.

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Summer-Fresh Broccoli Salad

Easy peasy. See those ingredients up there? Throw them into a bowl. Mix up the dressing in another bowl. Pour dressing over dry ingredients. Thoroughly combine. Cover and store in fridge. The longer it sits; the better it gets. To a point, of course.

Summer-Fresh Broccoli Salad (THM-S/Low-Carb)

• Servings: 8-10
• Time: 20mins
• Difficulty: easy
• Print

Summer-Fresh Broccoli Salad
courtesy of http://www.adventuresinwomanland.com

Ingredients
Two heads of broccoli, trimmed and cut into bite-sized pieces
1/2 cup pine nuts
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1/2 small red onion, diced
1/2 lb. bacon, fried crisp then chopped into bits
1 cup Duke’s mayonnaise
2 Tbs. white wine vinegar (or plain white vinegar
sweetener*

Instructions
1. Combine first five ingredients in large mixing bowl.
2. Whisk together mayo, vinegar and sweetener in separate small mixing bowl.
3. Pour dressing over dry ingredients. Mix until combined.
4. Store, covered, in fridge.

*Sweetener notes: I use 8 teaspoons of THM’s Sweet Blend (a stevia/erythritol mix) in this recipe. However, sugar to taste or the equivalent in honey could be used. Of course, you could also use plain stevia, xylitol or any other of a number of options.

Variations
Don’t like onions? Leave them out. Want onion flavor? Add a bit of onion powder to the dressing.
Want less fat? Use light mayo. Watch carbs, though! Decrease the amount of nuts used for lower fat, too.
Okay with sugar? Replace the Sweet Blend with white sugar or honey. Add raisins or dried cranberries.
Not a pork eater? Use turkey bacon instead. A little salt may be needed, since the pork bacon provides that component.
Want a different, tangy flavor? Try balsamic vinegar in place of the white wine vinegar. Apple cider vinegar would work, too!

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COMING SOON

Don’t miss a single recipe, 30-Day Exercise Challenge update, decorating tip, homeschooling idea, or other nugget of madness here at Adventures in Womanland! Enter your email address in the appropriate box on the top, right corner of the site to receive an email update every time a new post is ready.

UP NEXT
Mom Hack: Cabinet full of sippy cup parts cluttering up your brain, falling into your disposal, and melting in your dishwasher, and generally sucking your will to live? Bigger kids always looking for a drink of water and dirtying up a million glasses…All. Over. The. House? I’ve got a solution for that! Plus, Exercise Challenge people can do this, too!
AAAAAAND…
A THM-related/30-Day-Exercise-Challenge-style GIVEAWAY!

IN THE MEANTIME
Enjoy this little ditty from my more cynical days. Is there a 12-step program for that?
Giving Back: A Tale of Community Service

Cousin Carolyn’s Low-Carb Cabbage (THM-S)

“Cabbage is the perfect low-carb vegetable.” Trim Healthy Mama, p. 312

“Cabbage is awesome when it’s covered in butter and baked in the oven.”
Heather Lewis, 2014

Pin It!

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The statement, “I have a large family,” is the understatement of the century in my case. Between both parents’ families, across generations, I have approximately 607,458 family members. It’s true…ish. Okay, maybe there are a few less. Seriously, anywhere I go, especially in the Memphis area, I see someone to whom I am related. Once I traveled to Boston for a teaching conference and, guess what? BAM, cousin. Right there in the hotel lobby.

This is my thirty-fifth cousin seven-times-removed, Mike.

He’s a good guy to know if you like to hunt, fish, or otherwise slay anything in the out-of-doors. Naturally, Big Daddy and Mike like killin’ things together.

It’s not my thing, but whatever, man. (Ducks are delicious, though!) Personally, I’m far and away more interested in being in relationship with Mike’s awesome wife, Cousin Carolyn. She and I are kindred spirits, in the sense that she likes to bake cookies, and I like to eat them. Our relationship is symbiotic that way. Give and take, more or less. I mean, just look at the cute stuff she turns out!

Y’all! I die, seriously. And baked goods are not the only item in her repertoire, either.

One day, awhile back, Cousin Carolyn and I were talking about cabbage (and by ‘talking’, I mean Facebook messaging…y’all know I don’t talk to people unless I’m dying). Now, I know that cabbage is not exactly a hot topic, but, as you know, I’m an introvert and, therefore, generally socially awkward. It’s really not a thing for me to be talking with someone about things “normal” people wouldn’t dare touch in conversation. Cabbage is just something I happen to love, and Carolyn is known far and wide to be an expert cook.

Two and two still equals four in this part of the country.

Anyway, I was telling her how I usually chop it up, dump it in a pot, cover it in chicken stock and black pepper and boil it until it looks right, when she suggested that there might be another, better, even more tasty way to cook and eat cabbage.

And, y’all, she was right!

Here’s the low-down:

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and line a baking sheet with aluminum foil. This aids in clean-up, which makes me happy. Split the cabbage in half, top to bottom, and then split those halves in half again. Those are fourths, for those of you who are calculating. Now, take each fourth and cut it crosswise. Now you have eighths. Math lesson: BONUS! Shred the eighths until you’ve got a bowl full of something that looks like this.

Sprinkle copious amounts of sea salt, black pepper, and garlic powder all over it and mix, mix, mix. Cabbage is somewhat of a blank slate, so you could really take it anywhere you wanted it to go at this point: onion powder, Creole seasoning, cumin, paprika. The list goes on and on.

Next, dump the seasoned cabbage onto the lined baking sheet. Don’t worry if it looks overly full. It’ll cook down in the oven.

Top with butter pats. Step back and enjoy your masterpiece.

Bake it for about 20-25 minutes. While  you’re waiting, give Carolyn’s Cake Crumbs and Cookie Dough page a once over. Who knows? You might need a cake or some cookies for, um, the kids. Right? After 20-25 minutes, take the cabbage out of the oven, give it a taste (careful, it’s hot!) and stir. Reseason as needed and put back into the oven. Roast it for another 20 minutes or until desired tenderness has been achieved. I like mine to still have a little crunch, but that’s just me.

Try not to eat the whole thing. It’s like cabbage candy. Wait, what?

Here’s a printable recipe for you. Enjoy!

• Servings: 6-8
• Time: 45 mins
• Difficulty: easy
• Print

credit: http://www.adventuresinwomanland.wordpress.com

Ingredients
1 head cabbage
2 sticks butter
sea salt
black pepper
garlic powder
other seasonings to taste

Instructions
1. Preheat oven to 400. Line baking sheet with foil.
2. Quarter and core cabbage. Cut into bite-sized pieces.
3. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, garlic powder and other seasonings as desired.
4. Spread onto baking tray.
5. Place in preheated oven and bake for 25 minutes. Remove, stir and reseason.
6. Place back in oven and bake until tender.

Snacking, These Days

Yesterday, I provided an overview of the illustrious Ms. Michaels’ book Master Your Metabolism and a brief glance into our household’s transition to said eating plan. Today, I thought I’d give those of you joining us on the journey a few, healthy-yet-tasty snack ideas.

Heck, even if you’re not taking the trek with us, these are things I’d eat anyway. They’re good. And good for you.

But mostly good.

Snack Idea #1: 1/2 cup nonfat Greek yogurt, 1 tablespoon of raw honey, 1/8 cup chopped walnuts, 1/2 sliced banana.

We eat this one for pseudo-dessert after dinner each night. If you mix it all together, it tastes like whipped cream. Greek yogurt is very thick. There’s nothing watery about it.  The banana is sweet to those of us who eat no other form of sugar, and the honey tops it off. The crunchy walnuts give it some texture. It’s like eating nutty ice cream. Almost.

Snack Idea #2: 1 cup rolled or steel-cut (read: Irish or organic) oats, 1/8 cup chopped walnuts, 1/8 cup 60% cacao chocolate chips.

I eat this one for breakfast or anytime I need my chocolate fix. Ghiradelli makes the chips, and they have them at my Wal-Mart. If they have them at my Wal-Mart, I know they have them at yours. The steel-cut oats have mounds of protein, and I do not get hungry for at least 4 hours after I eat this.  The chips melt into the oats, and it’s like eating a chocolate oatmeal cookie with crunchy walnuts. Almost.

Snack Idea #3: 2-3 tablespoons hummus spread on a piece of whole wheat bread and topped with tomato slices.

We’ve got tomatoes running out our ears this time of year, and they are delicious! I make my own hummus in the blender (read: super easy), but you can certainly use the store-bought stuff. Sprinkle a touch of salt on there, and it’s a mid-afternoon treat.

Snack Idea #4: 1/4 sliced or cubed avocado, tomato slices, and natural cheese (I like Havarti.) rolled into a soft-taco-sized, whole-wheat tortilla.

There’s no food on earth I love more than avocado. Highest fruit/veggie in fiber terms, too. Sometimes I add a little of my homemade, garlic mayo or homemade hummus for creaminess. It’s superb! Just like a Taco Bell soft taco. Not really, thank the Lord.

Snack Idea #5: 2 tablespoons natural peanut butter on whole-wheat English muffin, with raw honey drizzle.

Super good. Sweet. Salty. Yum.

Snack Idea #6: 2 sliced Roma tomatoes, 4-5 chopped basil leaves, drizzles of olive oil, drizzle of balsamic vinegar, a bit of crumbled feta cheese

So good. And, except for the cheese, you can virtually eat yourself silly with little consequence. I love, love, love volume foods!

Let me know if any of these trip your trigger or if there are other foods you like for which you want snacking suggestions. I’m quickly becoming the master at transforming things I like into things I can eat.

Go forth and snack!
AinW

Peanut Butter Cake. Nuff Said.

Yes, I recognize that the posting of this recipe less than 24 hours behind my Ripped in 30 update is nonsensical. The fact that I am posting something nonsensical is not news to you, so lower your eyebrows and do NOT judge me.

No, I didn’t eat a bite of this cake. Didn’t even lick the icing spoon or anything. So, there.

Defensive, much?

Yes, I’m sending it to The Boys so it will be out of my house.

No, I cannot monitor Big Daddy’s consumption of it while he’s at work with it.

Disclaimers over. *Sigh.*

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I’m posting this recipe today for a number of reasons:

1. I can’t have any, and I think that, at least, somebody ought to be eating this today. Or tomorrow. But certainly by the end of the weekend.

2. I mentioned it in an earlier post. Teasing is not nice.

3. I promised my friend, Nicole, I would because she’s super brave. Spiritual courage should be rewarded. With food. I’m a Southerner. That’s what we do. Holla, Nicole!

4. Most importantly, it was one of the most favorite foods on earth of my Uncle Les, who, as of last weekend, is now eating it with the Lord at the biggest banquet table anyone’s ever seen. Finally free from cancer-related nausea, homeboy’s ready to eat!

You’re a one-of-a-kind, mister, and you are missed.

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This recipe was ‘created’ by my mother, The Mad Knitter. My Granny (my dad’s mom) made it all the time and, for some, as-yet-unknown reason, no one bothered to learn from her how to make it. After Granny had joined the Lord at His banquet table, we started contemplating how to get one of those cakes we were sure she was up there eating without us.

Earthlings get left out of all the good stuff.

Anywho, my mother, being the culinary genius she is, got in the kitchen and tried this and that until she came up with this, here recipe.

Side note: all pics were taken by the Diva, which may or may not explain the flying saucer positioning of the finished cake. Our countertops are perfectly level.

Bottom line is, it’s a basic, yellow cake with peanut butter fudge for icing. Only good can come from this. I’m just sure of it.

Like making any type of candy, it’s important to get everything set up ahead of time.  Here you see the cake set-up.  I’ve got my cake plate (Read: cheap, plastic cake-taker thingy I send to work with Big Daddy…not my cut class cake pedestal. For sure not.) with the first, prepped layer on it. I’ve got strips of waxed paper underneath to catch icing drips. When we’re done, I’ll pull those out and have a nice, clean cake plate.

Even The Boys appreciate a nice presentation. Or, at least that’s what I tell myself.

I have those horrendous 9-inch round cake pans, so I only get two layers. However, if you have the cutie, little 8-inch pans, you can get three. Three makes for a fabulous presentation. Much more drama! Oh, and later I’ll tell you how to make it the lazy way with a 9×13 yellow cake. Take your pick.

Each of the layers will be leveled (one has already been done for you) with a large, serrated knife. Just lay the knife on the cake parallel to the countertop, and slice across. You’ll see the ‘cake top’ in the background there. These are much revered and cherished in our household.

What? She’s drinking orange juice, for goodness’ sake. Well, okay, it’s Sunny D, which is like orange-flavored sugar, but we’re getting there. Plus, the cake has eggs and, well, eggs are in it. (Ignore the bread in the background. I’m making breadcrumbs for my chicken burgers.)

No, I didn’t eat any cake top. *Sigh.*

There’s alot of sighing in this house today.

Anyway, I’ll level both of them before I even begin prepping for the icing. When the icing comes to the right temperature, things move rather rapidly. You’ll see.

If you notice that your cake seems a little dry (mine’s not today, but they have been in the past), just bring a simple syrup (1 cup of sugar and 3/4 cup of water) to a boil on the stove, let it cool a bit, and spoon a bit over each cake layer before icing. Problem solved. I am a problem solver.

Also, creamy peanut butter, sugar, butter, and a small can of evaporated milk. And a candy thermometer. And a pan. And a cake plate. And a stove. And a spoon. And a spreader. Nevermind. You get it.

The peanut butter jar is proof that I shop at stores other than the Wal-Mart.

Now, we’ll set up the icing. Put the sugar, butter, and milk into a saucepan with the thermometer (Wal-Mart!) clipped on. Do not turn the burner on.  Put the peanut butter in a cup over to the side. The recipe calls for a cup. You can see it’s a generous cup. It’s really more like a cup and a tablespoon. Or two. Or three.

In the sink is a bowl of cool water. We’ll use it to bring down the icing temperature to where we need it to spread on the cake. You could wait for nature to take its course, but I don’t have that kind of time on my hands.

Now turn on the burner…maybe medium or medium-high. Heat the sugar/butter/milk mixture to 212 degress (F).

Then, remove the pan from the heat and stir in the peanut butter until creamy smooth.

Place the hot pan into the cool water and keep stirring until the thermometer reaches 150 degrees (F). Do not stop stirring. If you do, the outside will be cool, and the inside still hot-ish.

Now, spread a bit of icing on the first layer. Stop just before reaching the edges. It’ll squirt out when you put the second layer on if you don’t.

With the second layer on top, spoon some icing onto the top. With a spatula or knife, start moving the icing to the sides. If it’s still a little warm, it’ll slide down the side. That’s okay. Don’t panic. Just keep picking it up and putting it back on the cake. Eventually, it will get cool enough to stick. No worries.

Once the sides are covered, spoon the remaining icing on top and spread until smooth. Now, you could spread this stuff for hours until it’s just perfect. I ain’t got that kind of time. Just spread it until it looks pretty good and call it a day. Leave it out in the air to continue cooling and hardening. Like fudge.

Slice and enjoy! Do not publish the fact that you have this cake on-hand. Unless you want to share it with, like, the whole neighborhood. I’m just sayin’.

This person, with whom I may or may not share a gene pool, has even less cooking patience than do I. She bakes her cake in a 9×13 pan, pokes some holes in it, and pours the warm icing over the top. It doesn’t look as pretty, but it tastes yummy still!

And, once, just once, The Mad Knitter made this with a chocolate cake instead of yellow, thinking chocolate and peanut butter would be good together. We prefer the yellow, but that’s just us. Try both. One for you, and one for me. I’ll be eating broccoli.

Click, print, clip, and cook: Peanut Butter Icing

Go forth and make cake,

AinW

Cream Cheese Pound Cake

My Mammaw has been making this cake as long as I can remember. Usually, she buys a tub of frozen strawberries in syrup and a container of Cool Whip and lets them sit out on the counter until they are thawed. Then, she makes the cake and serves it with a generous helping of strawberries and juice and a big, ole dollop of Cool Whip plopped right on the top.

She’s been doing this so long that she now has a complete set of cereal bowls that say Cool Whip on the side.

A few years back, she walked over to her couch, sat down, declared herself done with cooking, picked up the remote, and turned on the football game. Smart, huh? I guess when you’re 81 you can do that.  Of course, the first thing I did after her declaration was march over, sit myself down on the couch beside her with a pen and paper in hand, and start writing as she dictated, from memory, every recipe she’d ever made.

Now who’s smart?

This is the best, most moist pound cake you’ll ever eat. And easy-peasy, too!

You know me. If it ain’t easy, I can’t make it.

Here’s what you need:

A little cream cheese, some butter, a bit of sugar, eggs, and cake flour. You can get it right on the baking aisle at the Wal-Mart.

And vanilla. I forgot.

Make sure it’s pure vanilla extract because life’s too short to cook with imitation vanilla.  Mexican vanilla’s best, but the stuff I bought last time I was there is long gone. If any of you is in/from/near Mexico and get some vanilla, buy an extra one for me. I’m stuck with Great Value nilla here in the hills and am becoming increasingly disgruntled about it.

Now back to our regular programming…

Let the cream cheese and butter sit out until they reach room temperature. If you don’t have time in your life for this, you can pop them in the microwave for a bit. Remove the metal wrapper from the cream cheese first.

I won’t tell you how I know that this is necessary.

Also, preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Cream together the sugar, cream cheese, and butter…

…until it looks about like this.

Separate one egg. I do that little trick where you flip the yolk back and forth between the shell halves, letting the white drip out into the bowl on the left, then dumping the yolk into the other bowl, but if you have one of those fancy, egg separator gadgets, more power to ya.

With the mixer on low speed, add the yolk and mix.

With the mixer still on low, add 1/2 cup of the flour and mix to combine.

Repeat this add-egg-yolk, add-flour combination 5 more times, reserving the egg whites.

Once all the flour and egg have been incorporated, add in the vanilla and mix to combine.

RIP my adjustable teaspoon measuring spoon. Miss you already. Dang dishwasher.

Pour the egg whites into a separate mixer bowl.

Beat to stiff peaks.

Pour the beaten whites into the mixed cake batter.

Fold.  Now, listen people. Folding is gentle. The purpose of the beaten egg whites is to add lightness, fluffiness to an otherwise packy cake.  Don’t kill the moment. Gently flip the spatula over and over until the egg whites are incorporated, but not dead.

When it looks like this, stop folding. Resist the urge to continue folding. It’s not necessary.

Pour the batter into a well-greased tube or bundt pan. Place the pan onto a baking sheet. Just in case.

I can’t tell you how I know this.  Just do it.

Bake: one-and-a-half hours.

Or until it looks like this.  Unreal. That crusty part on the top? That’s the absolute best part of the cake. Period.

When it’s cool, flip the cake out onto a plate, slice, and serve.

Now, if you get some fresh strawberries, slice them, put them in a bowl, and cover them in sugar, in a few hours they’ll have a nice, little syrup with them, and you can put them on a slice of this beauty.  Furthermore, if you get a pint of heavy whipping cream and whip it up with, say, a cup of confectioner’s sugar and put it on top of that?

Oh, nevermind.

Don’t tell my Mammaw. She likes her frozen strawberries and Cool Whip.

I haven’t had any sugar in 15 days. Please make this cake and eat a piece for me.

Please.

Here’s the printable. Click, print, clip, and bake: Cream Cheese Pound Cake

Lovin’ Mammaw for this one,

AinW

Vanishing Oatmeal-Raisin Cookie Bars

I found the recipe for these little beauties in one of the greatest places to find good food.

Besides church cookbooks, one of the best places to find new recipes is on the back of cake mix boxes and, as it turns out, inside the Quaker oat box.  I did doctor it up a bit (of course), though.

My uni-dimpled, in-house food critic says these are the best thing I’ve ever made. He says that a lot; however, his rapid consumption of these might point to truth-telling this time.

Here’s what you need:

Some butter, oats, sugars (white and brown), flour, cinnamon, baking soda, salt, raisins, and vanilla.

And two eggs. I forgot.

All regular stuff you probably already have. Nothing fancy.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

In the mixer, beat the softened butter and two sugars until they are yummy. Like this.

Then, add the eggs and vanilla and whip her up.

Next, set up a separate bowl with a sifter of some sort.

Run the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt through it.

Incorporate the flour mixture into the butter, sugar, egg, vanilla mixture. Then, mix in the oats and raisins.

Press the mixture into a greased 9×13 pan. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until done throughout.

Cool and cut into squares.

Serve them to your in-house food critics. You’re sure to see the dimple.

Notes:

1. One could, if he/she wanted, make these into cookies.  Drop the mixture by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets and bake for 10-12 minutes. Cool a minute on the sheet before transferring to a cooling rack.

2. One could, if he/she were so industrious, bake them for his/her favorite nephew’s Pizookie Party in little, cast-iron skillets.

3. One could, if he/she were so moved by the Spirit, top these with, say, a scoop of vanilla ice cream while they were still a bit warm.

4. One could, if he/she were so inclined, add a cup-and-a-half or so of chocolate chips to the batter. I’m just sayin’.

Click, print, clip, and cook: Vanishing Oatmeal-Raisin Cookie Bars

In love with oatmeal and raisins,

AinW