Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuit Redux

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So, um, yesterday I posted a little ditty about these. Apparently the good people who run my server thought that it would be a good idea to do maintenance at the same time I was publishing this life-changing recipe. And also that not alerting me to this maintenance was a good idea. Therefore, many of my gracious and faithful readers were unable to gain access to the post.

That, my friends, is what we in the blogging biz call a travesty.

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I am writing this post to let you know that (a) you need this food in your life and (b) all server maintenance people are on punishment.

Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuits (Low-Carb/THM-S)

TCB,
Heather

Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuits (Low-Carb/THM-S)

“The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken.” ~Maya Angelou


Awhile back, my mother sent me this photo via Spacebook:

photo credit: buzzfeed.com

photo credit: buzzfeed.com

Thaaaat’s right. Somebody took a Chick-fil-A chicken patty and put it on a Red Lobster Garlic-Cheese Biscuit. Mama knows I’m trying to eat right, and there ain’t nothin’ about this that’s right.  For a good 23.498 seconds, I hated her stinkin’ guts. Then, I remembered what she had taught me, “Honor your mother and your father that your days may be long upon the earth.” Not wanting to get struck down my lightning, I repented of my attitude and set out on a course to recreate this little beauty in a way that was more figure-friendly.

Here she is:

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To recap:

photo credit: buzzfeed.com

photo credit: buzzfeed.com

Good but bad for you (above). Good AND good for you (below).

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Here’s how it all went down.

 I love, love, love these Cheesy-Cheese Garlic Biscuits from Satisfying Eats. If these don’t taste just like Red Lobster’s Garlic-Cheese Biscuits, I don’t know what does. They are the best biscuit I’ve had while on THM. On the side of a satisfying “S” meal, they are spectacular. In terms of this recipe, though, they fell a little flat…literally. When they bake, they spread and become like little disks: good for sopping up Cheeseburger Pie juice, bad for holding a friend chicken patty.

Enter the muffin tin. I tweaked the recipe by baking the individual portions in muffin tins rather than on a baking sheet, producing a taller biscuit. One that was more easily split horizontally for chicken patty insertion.

And now for the chicken: did you know they sell thin-cut boneless, skinless chicken breasts at the store now? I didn’t use them because I have an angst-filled teenager and an iron skillet, but they do…sell them, I mean. I just lined up some regular chicken breasts on the counter between two pieces of waxed paper, gave the teenager the iron skillet, and let her whack them until they were flat.

Never underestimate the harnessed power of teen angst in the kitchen, people.

If you’re lacking said angsty teen, the thin-cut ones will work just fine. Once they were pounded, I took a biscuit cutter that was similar in size to the biscuit-muffins and traced around it with a sharp knife. I got two chicken circles per breast. Dip the chicken circles in egg wash, a trip through the breading, fry, insert into split, buttered biscuit, and you’re ready to eat!

Beyond unbelievable. Printable below. Y’all eat!

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Cheesy-Garlic Chicken Biscuits

  • Servings: 10-12
  • Time: 45 mins
  • Difficulty: moderate
  • Print

recipe compiled by http://www.adventuresinwomanland.com

Biscuits (modified from Cheesy-Cheese Garlic Biscuits from www.satisfyingeats.com)
Modification
Instead of baking on a baking sheet, drop into greased muffin tins. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until golden.

Chicken
Ingredients
3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, pounded flat OR 6 thin-cut boneless, skinless breasts
2 egg whites
2 whole eggs
1/3 cup EITHER coconut flour, almond flour, or crushed pork rinds (taster’s choice)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
coconut oil (for frying)

Instructions

1. In a large skillet, melt coconut oil over medium heat.
2. In one flat dish, break two whole eggs and beat slightly.
3. In another flat dish, mix flour/rinds, two egg whites, and Parmesan. This should be a little clumpy. Embrace the clump.
4. Flatten breasts (or use thin-cut) then, using a biscuit cutter or glass as a pattern, cut two circles out of each breast.
5. Dip chicken circles in egg wash, then press into flour/rind mixture to coat well.
6. Fry in batches in hot coconut oil, just until golden. DO NOT overfry. You can finish these in the (already hot because you just baked biscuits) oven until done in the middle.
7. Split biscuits down the middle horizontally. Insert one chicken patty into each biscuit. Enjoy!

Sausage Squares

The Boys like meat. At least that’s been my experience. Therefore, I knew that some Gigi-esque cupcakes were going to go over, but not as much as something containing pork.  For this reason, I included these delectable Sausage Squares (recipe courtesy of the Mad Knitter, aka my mother) in the care package I sent to them last week.

Sausage and bread and cream cheese: what’s not to love?

Like most of my recipes, this one has only a few ingredients, and they’re all things that you probably have on-hand. They’re definitely items you can get at your local store. I have to roll like that because I ain’t got no fancy stores ’round here. I’m cooking with a gourmet-market handicap. I figure The Boys probably don’t ‘do’ gourmet anyway.  They’re more ‘pork fat’ type people.

I get that.

Two cans of crescent rolls, one-8 oz. package of cream cheese, and two pounds of breakfast sausage.  That’s it.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Spray a 9×13 pan with cooking spray and roll out one can of the crescent rolls into the bottom.

If you have time to worry about the fact that the perforations are somewhat gaping or that the dough is not all the way to the sides of the pan, you have more time on your hands than I do.  If it bothers you, go ahead and press it all out nicely.

It doesn’t bother me.

And I can guarantee you The Boys will never know the difference.

Next, throw the sausage into a pan to brown.

This part may take a minute or two. Because I’m easily bored, I contracted my local Diva to rock me a classic John Bonham piece on the drums while I cooked.

Here’s what I love about the Diva: she can rock some Led Zeppelin in a full-length, leopard-print dress. Even Mr. Bonham couldn’t have done that.

When the sausage is brown, drain it, and return it to the pan.  Add the cream cheese.

Let it get all melty good, the stir it around until it’s well incorporated.

Then, spread the sausage/cream cheese mixture onto the uncooked crescents in the pan. Layer the other can of crescents on the top.

Again with the worrying about the spreading of the dough. If you have time, knock yourself out.

Bake them for 25 minutes or until the crescents are golden brown.  Cool and cut into squares.

If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, then this is the express-way.

These are good for a snack or for breakfast with a side of scrambled eggs and fried potatoes.  Or for supper. Or lunch. Or a snack. Wait. Did I say that?

Click, print, trim, and cook: Sausage Squares

Pork fat rules,

AinW

The Diva Cooks: Sausage Quee-chee

In our transition from busy, city life to laid-back, country life, I’m not the only one who’s been traumatized.  Being a Diva, naturally, requires a certain amount of city access, which we have not.

She’s a wreck.

Between moving to the country and spending her day, every day, all day with, well, me…all I can say is God Bless the Diva.

To occupy herself, she’s taken up a few, new pasttimes.

First, she’s decided to try photography. At the homeschool co-op we attend, she took two photography classes.  Here are the results.

An angle shot:

That’s Tie-Dye, a yard sale find that I was sure would have been better suited to another family. The Diva was sure he belonged with us, and she was armed with allowance money.  Who decided she should get an allowance? 

I’m looking into that one.

Here’s a low-light shot:

Candles can be tricky to shoot, but she did a good job on this one.

In addition to photography, she’s also decided to try her hand at cooking.  “She” decided that, as in I decided it was part of her homeschool curriculum. In reality, like any intelligent mother, I know that the sooner she learns to cook, the sooner I can lay on the couch watching T.V. and eating candy corn.

She learns a new skill; I get candy corn. It’s a win-win, really.

She has, in her arsenal, the following cookbook, which she and I highly recommend:

Y’all know anything Ms. Paula makes is gonna be good. 

In it is a recipe for Sausage Quiche. Having never seen the word, “quiche” before, the Diva quickly told me that she wanted to make Sausage Quee-chee. And so it is.

Here’s the beginning:

Basically, you need a pound of breakfast sausage, half-and-half, shredded cheddar cheese, a pie crust, 3 eggs, and the Princess Diaries playing on the T.V. in the adjoining living room. However, the latter is not, as it turns out, essential to the success of the Quee-chee.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

First, you brown the sausage:

You do that with your left hand because you’re a Southpaw. Your fingernails are red because you’re a Diva, and that’s how you roll.

During this step, which can be “unfun,” as it turns out, it’s important that you sigh loudly to express your disgust with raw meat and console yourself by watching the Princess Diaries simultaneously. If you get really bored, you can begin peppering your Mommy, who’s rolling out the pie crust, with random questions.

She won’t mind. She won’t even remind you to focus on your task or that the Princess Diaries is on.

Then, you spoon the browned sausage (sans grease) into the homemade pie crust your Mommy made (or one you bought at the store…I won’t judge):

Next, cover the sausage with 2 cups of shredded cheddar:

Oh, my gosh, she’s cute! See that little bottom, pouty lip? That’s my favorite!

FOCUS!

Next, crack the eggs into a separate bowl:

Add the half-and-half to the eggs and beat with a whisk:

It is during this step that, since you are now facing the T.V., you might get distracted by Anne Hathaway. Resist the urge to get distracted and beat those eggs!

With the pie plate on a cookie sheet, pour the egg mixture over the sausage and cheese:

Bake for 35-ish minutes, till it’s not like Mommy’s thighs jiggly anymore.

Then, and this is very important, take it out of the oven and let it sit for about 15 to 20 minutes.

While you’re waiting for all this to happen, you have a few choices. 

You could:

A. Watch The Princess Diaries

B. Pepper your Mommy with more random questions

C. Do an interpretive dance

D. All of the above

When it’s done, here’s what it looks like:

And, oh, my gosh, you wanna talk about good! It’s unbelievable! Put some breakfast potatoes and some leftover, homemade biscuits from breakfast on the side, and you’ve got yourself some dinner. Or breakfast. Or lunch. Or afternoon snack.  Big Daddy packed him some in a Tupperware: potatoes on bottom, slice of quee-chee on top, for breakfast at work tomorrow.

Oh, and here’s the best part:

The Diva does her own dishes.

It’s a part of the total educational program we’re offering here in the country.

I’ll get back with you on the allowance issue.

Mother-of-the-Year,

AinW

Click, print and go: The Diva’s Sausage Quee-chee