I know you may still be reeling from my very important announcement last Friday, and I totally understand. I, myself, am still unsure of how to proceed with that new-ish knowledge but should also let you in on yet another, more recent blow to my psyche.
Late last week, I received this in the mail.
Since I’m only in my
mid-thirties late twenties, I’ve yet to figure out how, exactly, I should respond. Perhaps they’ve heard that I’ve recently transitioned from a full-time school administrator to a full-time homeschooling mom and got me confused with those lucky people who transition from full-time whatevers to full-time umbrella-drink sippers.
Let me set them straight.
I, in fact, am not actually retired. I would challenge any of your employees, especially the one who saw fit to send me this card, to come homeschool the Diva and keep tabs on Big Daddy for just one day! You’d never make it! The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping in inclement weather…you wouldn’t last a day before you’d be out of here, on your way down Blueberry Hill to the Sonic for a midday buzz. Keeping up with Big Daddy’s sweet tea habit alone would put you in your grave! And let’s not even talk about cheer practice. You’d run for the hills faster than they can make something rhyme…and that’s fast! Your manicure would be a mess and before you know it, you’d realize that your fingers don’t match each other.
I’ll not be sending you any of Big Daddy’s hard-earned money, though your offer is gracious. I’m only in my late twenties and probably don’t meet your membership requirements.
P.S. However, if any of you wants to come finish my dissertation, we can talk. Call me!
Nevertheless, like General Washington on the Potomac, I press on.
Last week sometime, the Diva received something from the nice FEDEX lady. She’d saved up her money and ordered it a long time ago, but it had been put on backorder. Because of the delay, when it finally did arrive, it came with its own star shining upon it and a multitude of heavenly hosts surrounding it singing. Okay, so the light came from her own facial glow and the heavenly hosts were on my iPod; nevertheless, there was rejoicing.
Lanie’s camper has arrived. My life is now complete.
[As an aside, the Diva paid the sticker price for it. These suckers, which are now sold out on their home site, are going for triple and quadruple the sticker on Amazon and eBay. Big Daddy and I wished we had bought 10 of them. We’re thinking this one might be our economic bail-out someday.]
Seeing as how she was deeply entrenched in her new investment piece, I figured she wasn’t going to be able to make us some dinner. So, I thought I’d take a crack at that cooking thing.
First, some background.
At Christmastime we have an eating tradition. Okay, so at every holiday, birthday, special day, Saturday, and today we have an eating tradition. The Christmas one is good, though, because it involves appetizers. Since the women are generally still tired from cooking Thanksgiving, we generally have a plethora of appetizers for Christmas. I’d call them hor dourves, but we ain’t that fancy. Anyway, we graze most of the day rather than one, big, sit down meal. That way the children never have to leave their toys, and the guys never have to leave their football.
Meaty Rotel is one appetizer we generally have. It’s a favorite. Last week, since the weather looked like this:
…and since I had made chicken fried steak, homemade mashed potatoes, homemade biscuits and pan gravy the night before, and I was tired, I declared it to be appetizer night.
cocktail smokies: Little Smokies warmed in a mixture of one bottle cocktail sauce and one jar of grape jelly, and
PW’s Hot Artichoke Dip, and
Meaty Rotel: cheesy, meaty, spicy goodness.
Here’s what you need to get started:
ground beef, Velveeta, paprika, cumin, chili powder, garlic salt, Rotel, and something with which to dip. We go with the Fritos scoops for two basic reasons: (1) they’re strong and can stand up to the thick dip, and (2) they hold alot. Some people are what you’d call quantity eaters.
There are a million, different ways to go about this, but the end result is always the same: brown the ground beef, and throw everything in some sort of warming device until it’s nice and melty-good. It couldn’t be easier. At Christmas, we use the Crock-Pot because it keeps it warm all day. That’s the way I rolled last week.
I threw in the tomatoes and the spices.
Then, I stripped down the cheese. Hello, darlin’. Nice to see ya. It’s been a long time. You’re just as lovely as you used to be.
Then, I cut the big block up into little blocks because it melts easier that way.
Then, I put the cheese on top of the tomato/spice mixture, put the top on the beast, and plugged her in. She’s on “low” at this point.
Meantime, I browned the beef and dumped it in. At this point, it’s a waiting game. If you use the Crock-Pot method, stir her up every so often until she’s melty-good, then turn her down to “warm” if you have that setting.
That’s it! That’s all it takes. The cumin and the chili powder give it a smoky taste, and the Rotel gives it a kick. If you need more kick, add some hot sauce or use the hot Rotel and the Mexican Velveeta.
When you make this, I should warn you, though. If you’re single, men will flock from all corners of the universe. If you’re not, they’ll flock from the living room.
Here’s the printable: Meaty Rotel Dip