Awhile back, during an earlier season in this adventure, I may or may not have mentioned my affinity for a certain female superhero.
The bottom line is this: when I grow up, if I can’t be a U.S. Marshal, or the lady who names nail polishes, lip sticks, and body sprays, I want to be Wonder Woman. I’ve wanted to be her for oh, so long. Longer than anyone else on earth. I’m just sure of it.
After my initial WW post, Big Daddy, being the loving and doting esposo that he is, went out (read: on the Internet) and bought me a WW bracelet, and, although it gives me superpowers (or at least grand delusions of them) while I’m wearing it, it’s just not the same as the red boots with the racing stripe and the gold-plated Biebers in the push-up position.
I am downtrodden. And so are my Biebers.
To add insult to my injury, NBC is now producing a new version of the Wonder Woman show, written by famed writer and The Practice creator, David E. Kelley.
And they didn’t ask me to be in it. Even after I conspicuously stated here, for the record, that I would jump at the chance to be WW and clearly outlined all the ways in which she and I are similar, heck, practically twins, they overlooked me altogether. Didn’t even get a ‘Dear John’ letter, or nuthin’.
I could wear that outfit. Thirty days on The Shred, and that red-and-blue plastic suit would look just like that on me. Some hair extensions and a little Cherry Desirable lipstick, and I’d be good to go. Not even The Shred is going to get my girls that far into the push-up position, so I may also need some socks to help fill the Golden Bieber holders. Still, that seems very do-able.
One thing I’m putting my foot down about, though, is the bracelets. They’re going to need to be golden. The pewter look, with all that gold on the Biebers, the waistline, and the lasso, just isn’t working for me.
Mr. Kelley? Are you listening?
Oh, well. So I die another death. What’s one more?
Red Velvet, Volcanic Red, Red Reinvented, Royal Red, Siren Red. Let’s work on the pinks.
And then there’s a fly in this house that’s going to get the Death Ray from my Wonder Woman bracelet.
10-4, Over and Out,