1. I haven’t been faithful to my Wednesday Weigh-Ins. I realize this. I have been faithful to this, however.
It seemed more important at the time.
2. Because I haven’t been faithful to the weighing in, I now have a problem: a 1.4 lb. weight gain.
3. Due to my unfaithfulness, I have voluntarily subjected myself to this for the next 30 days.
4. If, at some point in the next 30 days, I simply drop off the radar, it may be because (a) I have keeled over, or (b) because I am in the county jail for shooting my own television. It happens.
5. I’ve been using a marshmallow gun.
6. But I’m considering upgrading to a Super Soaker. Water + Electronics = The Ultimate Shred.
7. I am in love with this show.
8. Having thoroughly investigated the qualifications for becoming a U.S. Marshal, here’s what I know: one must have some type of background in law enforcement.
9.Classroom instruction counts.
10. For years, I’ve been saying that this should be the case. Obviously, the U.S. Marshal powers-that-be fully understand the validity of my teaching background in terms of law enforcement.
11. By the time I get done with The Shred, I’ll be fully qualified to become a U.S. Marshal. It sounds like the next logical progression in my career. I can be Doctor Marshal.
12. Or I can just stay at home with this kid and watch Manhunters and pretend. Use of the imagination is way underrated.
Copy that. Over,