In the past, I have published lists of things about which I wonder. If you want to get up to speed, read the following:
I Wonder, Part Trois (that’s three for those of you who don’t habla)…
You are now up to speed. Movie, anyone?
Title-wise, I am departing from counting in French for a few reasons, but mostly because I don’t know what “four” is in French. And don’ t really care.
Anyway, here’s what I’m wondering about during these bustling, holiday days. See if you can relate.
…whether it’s sacrilege to store my Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes and Christmas Tree Brownies in my Harvest Pumpkin cookie jar. Am I jumping the gun on the one hand or am I behind on the other?
…how I ever wrapped a single present without the cutting lines on the back of the wrapping paper.
…if people would spend so much time debating/worrying about the sanctity of putting the tree up before or after Thanksgiving if they knew the whole thing is a pagan tradition. (Yes, we have a tree. We are reformed, but not that much. I’m just sayin’.)
…if anyone else’s life has been changed by shopping online.
…if I am the only one who gets so excited about Black Friday that I get butterflies in my stomach. (I will not pee. I will not pee.) It’s my own personal Super Bowl. Call me LT, and by that I don’t mean Ladanian Tomlinson. I mean Lawrence Taylor.
…how Santa fits down my chimney if I don’t have one in my new house. We have a gas fireplace, and I’m afraid he’s going to pass me by, which will never work.
…if it’s so wrong to eat an entire bag of gingerbread marshmallows.
…if it’s so wrong to be addicted to gingerbread Pop-Tarts. They have the icing in the middle.
Note: I’m not saying I am/did either. These are just rhetorical wonderings, mind you.
…whether it’s just me, or is the food the best part of the season?
…why I chose to get married just a month-ish prior to Christmas, to a man whose birthday is also a month-ish prior to Christmas. Gift-buying for him is a triple threat every year.
…if I am the only parent that uses the “Santa’s watching you!” line to assist my child in, um, remembering proper behavior. Yes, she’s 10. Yes, she’s asked the question. Yes, I told her that, if she didn’t believe, “he” wouldn’t visit us. Yes, that’s the same thing my mother told me. Why mess with success? I say.
…where Chik-fil-A’s peppermint, chocolate chip shake has been all my life.
…if a plate of Christmas cookies constitutes “dinner”. How about “breakfast”?
Similarly…if walking to the cookie jar and back to the couch constitutes “exercise”.
…if anyone will notice that I ran out of Scotch tape and may or may not have had to use duct tape on some of my gifts.
…if I should consider false eyelashes. That has nothing to do with Christmas. I’m just keepin’ it real.
…which movie should lead off our annual Christmas Movie Marathon, held each December weekend prior to Christmas. Elf? Christmas Vacation? Deck the Halls? Rudolph? (Note: It will not be A Christmas Story. Dumbest movie ever made. When I’m watching it, I can feel my intelligence liquefy and drip out my right ear.)
I’m taking votes on that last one. Cast your ballot now. Winner gets a Christmas cookie.
Happy Big Daddy’s Birthday!